Finding Balance

Balance is something I have always worked towards, in life, professionally, personally, and in movement. It’s not something I was blessed with or that comes naturally to me. As a type A, task oriented person, who struggles with ADHD, finding balance is perhaps the hardest thing I work toward daily.

Over the years, I have learned that if I don’t have a plan for the day, nothing will get accomplished. My brain will see 15 tasks in need of completion, start one, become distracted by the list in my brain, and move to start the next task without completing the first. My days will move in a motion of chaos as I flitter from task to task without ever accomplishing one.

I soon learned this was no way to live, not a way I could progress in my professional career. Something had to give, I had to find a way to manage life and minimize my distractions. Yet this would also mean that I would become a solely task-oriented person with little to no ability to deviate from my routines. Not something I could become, especially as I worked in the nonprofit field and was a mother.

Many failed attempts later, I finally have a somewhat successful method for managing life and finding balance. It has taken me almost 15 years to master the little bit of balance I have, but the results are well worth it.

Determine what has to be dealt with immediately

Situations in life will present themselves to you throughout the day, every day, all week long. But not every situation is something that must be dealt with immediately. Some are simply interruptions, some are, as I call them, fires, and must be contained immediately, and others, well others, must be dealt with now. Once I classify a situation, I know how to handle it, or I at least have the beginning of an answer. If something is an interruption, such as my puppy needing some extra playtime, I take the 15-minutes and indulge in the play. I mean, if she needs it, I probably do too. If something needs to be addressed, but not right now, I place it in the parking lot. When fires hit, I address the pressing issues immediately, if I can I take a few minutes to clear my head, get perspective, assess the situation, and then create a plan of attack.

Some interruptions, like my daughter wanting to spend time together, I define as an emergency, stop what I am doing, and focus 100% on her. I have learned family must always come first, and somehow all the work is always done on time.

Silence notifications

For me, notifications on my watch, computer, and cell phone are one of the biggest time sucks. The constant dinging, flashing, and alerts make it impossible for me to focus. I feel the biggest need to immediately answer a text or email. This makes my response time fabulous, my work horrible. A good friend noticed my continual switching and showed me how to manage my communications. Each time we switch activities, such as going from writing, to emails, to my calendar, and back to emails, takes an incredible amount of energy from our brains, and causes our thoughts to move much more slowly. Designate specific times each day to answer emails, texts, and return calls. It is more than ok to not be reachable 100% of the time.

Taking her advice to heart, I check emails three to four times a day. This simple change has made my workflow better, and increased the amount of work I can get done in one day. It has also allowed me to focus more and feel more centered.

As an additional step, I shut off all notifications on my phone but texts, emails and calls. Then using the Focus tool, I created work times where no notifications come through. To ensure my family can always reach me, I marked them as favorites. I have no need to know who posted something to social media. It will be there when I get to it. This change has calmed my days more than I can share. It has even made my workouts much more enjoyable.

Create a daily plan, even for days off

No plan means I have no focus. Yes, we all need days off, days of rest and leisure. But, as a parent and business owner, I never truly have a day off. Rather, I have portions of days off. I actually love this, as it allows me to spread tasks over the week, making weekdays less hectic. No matter how little I have to do on a day, I always have a plan for what I do need to get done.

Another tip, always keep your plans, schedules, and to-do lists in writing. It never fails that somewhere in a week I have a panic moment that I dropped 15 balls. By having everything in writing, I can double-check, move things around, and confirm no task was left undone. This simple trick has greatly reduced my stress and freed up my brain to focus on tasks, not lists.

Build routines, and stick to them

I would be lost without my routines. In fact, when my puppy interrupts a routine, I either forget to do something or need to start over. I have learned to just laugh and move on. My routines make sure I complete all the mundane tasks, like washing my face and using lotion, without having to think about it. I also build the spaces I do these routines in to match the routine. Anything I can do to lessen what I have to think about and remember makes my days less stressful, and gives me time to listen to a book on tape, or solve a problem.

Create habits and use them as stress relief, rewards, and bribes

Habits are things we strive to complete regularly, but if push comes to shove, we can skip them. For me, a habit is working out. While the actual time spent working out is not always enjoyable, the relaxation and endorphins after are amazing. I have a habit of hitting the gym most mornings and several evenings. Remember, I am a very high-energy person and have a sedentary job. This habit allows me to constructively burn off energy and reduce stress.

Use one planner/calendar

I know people who have a calendar for work, home, and 15 other things. For me, having this many calendars just causes stress. I have one calendar that I use to plan everything. I plan by the week, noting all my personal, mom, and professional appointments, responsibilities, and planning in my routines and habits. I do all of this before I create my to-do list for each day. This method allows me to find balance. I can make sure that I meet every responsibility and need. Some days are work-heavy, some are chore-heavy, and others are more balanced. For me, the secret to finding balance is looking at my week as a whole. It’s much easier to balance everything over seven days than in one day.

Understand some days will have no balance

Some days will have no balance, no peace, but rather be marathon days. This just happens. By planning a week at a time, I can minimize my marathon days. Sometimes, I choose to do all my meetings and running in one long day, saving the others for work. I would rather have one to two marathon days than five.

Focus on a weekly perspective or monthly perspective for balance

Every time I try to balance a day, I end up more stressed. There is no way I can meet every need and every demand in a 16 hour period. It is simply impossible. But when I spread these out over a week, even a month, I can meet every need and demand. I would rather do a little work every day than kill myself a few days to have a few off.

Limit the amount of time you can focus on tasks

As a type-A person, I would work and work on a task until I thought it was perfect. This resulted in high levels of frustration, missed deadlines, and no progress. Eventually, I learned the art of good enough. While it is important to always strive to give your absolute best performance or work, there comes a point when the project is done and all you are doing is making small, insignificant tweaks that no one but you will ever see. This is the art of good enough. When you can say you gave 100% and met all expectations, move on. The art of good enough also means you understand when you need to ask for help or call in reinforcements.

Create a parking lot where you can list new tasks

We will notice new tasks every time we look around or open our inbox. I have what I call a parking lot. I keep a running list of everything I need to do, with due dates. Once a week, when I am planning for my upcoming week, I move items off the large list and on to my smaller daily lists. The simple act of writing things down removes stress, and signals to my over-active brain that I see the task, I have noted it, and I will accomplish it.

Use a to-do list

Use a to-do list sorted by due dates. I have weekly, monthly, and daily to-do lists. When I write something on a list, my brain marks it as noted, and moves on. This keeps me from obsessing over tasks and never working. It also allows me to be more organized. Maintaining a running grocery and errand list also frees my brain up considerably.

Schedule extra time for fires

There is no way to plan for emergencies, but we know they will happen. I make sure to pad every day with an extra 20 minutes and each week with a few extra free hours. If I don’t need this time, I use it to pamper myself, get ahead on a task, or my favorite, nap.

Be adaptable

No matter how you structure your days, no matter how you strive for balance, at the end of the day you have to be adaptable. Things happen, opportunities present themselves, and clients have emergencies. Understanding this and expecting interruptions makes them less frustrating. Understanding that with a system you will get everything done, maybe just not when you expected to, will decrease your stress and help you focus on the task at hand.

Trust me, I know how much of a balancing act life can be. There is never enough time, unless we choose to make the time. When we prioritize what is important to us, plan, and adapt to life, we find a rhythm that leads to a natural balance. The most important thing to remember is that life is about the quality of interactions, not the quantity. Strive for quality, use a little organization, and watch balance come.

Sincerely,

Sara O