How a Shared Mindset Can Create Bonds
Have you ever looked at a group of people and wondered how such different people can get along, be close, form a family? Sometimes, we allow ourselves to be so distracted by the cover, we miss the words, the message within. What truly unites us to others is a shared mindset, and what makes relationships interesting is the different perspectives others, often very unlike ourselves, bring to the table.
Recently, I have realized this truth in multiple settings and groups. A college graduate, with two master’s degrees, a work history filled with CEO and ED positions, many think I am high maintenance, afraid to get my hands dirty. People find it hard to reconcile the real me with their image of me. Imagine seeing a person you highly respect in the professional world, out in shorts, a t-shirt, and walking several ill-behaved dogs, seemingly happier in this role than their work role. The real me, the truly authentic me, is not at all what many read on my cover.
Looking for a place to belong, a group of people I could rely on, trust, and work hard with, I found myself working with a pair of military-minded, tattoo-covered boxers. When we first met, these men made me take a step back, wonder what I was doing in this gym, and never think we would become friends. And yet, our common mindset has bonded us together.
What truly creates relationships, unites us to others is not our cover, or where we come from, it is a common mindset. When we share a belief, when we work towards a similar goal, the bonds are stronger than the bonds of shared experiences or origins. We will have a variety of bonds in our lives, bonds based on shared experiences, origins, schools, clubs, and interests. These bonds will be strong, will unite us with the other people, and help us find our way, but they will not challenge us to grow, to become more like a shared common mindset.
Bonds over shared mindsets are unique. They supersede perceptions, normalities, and the common way bonds are formed. When beliefs are united and people truly work together, nothing is impossible. The different and unique perspectives each person brings to the table creates growth among each member, challenging each to be better. Comfort can be found in that each is present because they want to be present because they truly believe in the work, there is no resume padding going on.
A common mindset is when a shared belief is turned into a goal when people are mature enough to overlook differences and work together. The variety of experience, perspectives, and history will allow for a more comprehensive solution to the identified goal. Egos will no longer be an issue, personalities will no longer create friction, rather, the common mindset and goal will create an environment dedicated to achieving the goal. And somewhere along the way, friendships will form, perceptions will be challenged, and true growth will occur.
Learning to be a part of such a group is intimidating, challenging. While members are united through the shared mindset, the other differences can be glaring, and for some too much. In these relationships, we must be willing to accept the differences, understand there will be things we completely disagree on and open ourselves to the possibility of changing our own thoughts and perceptions. We will leave these relationships completely different than how we entered. Not only will a goal have been achieved, friendships formed, but we will be a new person. We will learn more about ourselves, others, and other cultures. We will become more accepting of differences, looking past the covers to the inner person. Common beliefs and mindsets will be more easily recognizable, and our circle of friends and peers will grow.
The journey is not the easiest of journeys, people you have established relationships with will question and doubt the bonds, they will judge you, and you may even lose some friendships. But what you will gain, will be far more than you lose.
Sincerely,
Sara O
