Lighten Up
I can be a very serious person. I struggle to laugh in church, or goof off at work. A part of me feels like a person from another century, in my mind, there is a time and place for everything. Yet, my stern exterior does not mean I take myself too seriously. In fact, I honestly never take myself too seriously.
In my early twenties, as I struggled to know who I was, to find a career, and to learn how to be a mom, I took everything seriously. I was stressed, overworked, and exhausted. This left me feeling vulnerable and afraid, every comment felt like criticism. I was unable to grow, to become better. I was embarrassed, unprofessional, a hot mess.
And then one day, close to my thirtieth birthday, I stopped. I realized I was awkward, often had no idea what to say, was always under dressed and had a stain on my clothes, but I was capable. As I worked through my 30s, I started to relax. I embarked on a journey to learn about me, I read books on leadership, professional development, and novels. I explored different hobbies, I started exercising. By the time I hit 35, I accepted my awkward nature, I even learned to joke about it. Soon, I focused more on content, than appearance. It was liberating. By the time I turned 40, I could have cared less if my skirt was tucked into my panties. And now at 42, I know life happens, and I am good with that. I strive to keep others from having awkward moments, and I make jokes out of mine. And yet, at the end of the day, I am more relaxed and ready to goof off with my daughter, than I am worried about what others think of me.
First step
Listen people, the first step is to relax. The moment you can accept that we all have faux-paus, boogers, farts, and get food stuck in our teeth is the minute you will stop obsessing over your appearance. People spend 95% of their time thinking about themselves. They don’t have the mind space to think about you. And if they do, and it is negative, they are insecure and you should feel sorry for them.
Second Step
Don’t shake off the awkwardness, embrace it. There is only one you, and the way you are is perfect. Stop stressing over a limp, a pimple, or anything that is different. You are the most beautiful and best version of yourself when you allow yourself to be you. For years, I thought my curls were horrible, unprofessional. I spent hours straightening them, trying to tame them. The more I tamed, the less I looked like myself. The moment I realized I am not an uber professional person, I am a creative scientist who loves working with people, and allowed my curls to fly free, is the moment I became authentic. Yes, there are moments I still straighten my hair, because I want to, or I know it will wear better that day, not because I feel pressure to look a certain way.
Third Step
Repeat after me, my body has no flaws, my character is under construction. Our bodies are the way they are supposed to be. Yes, we may need to lose weight, or we could work out to tighten up, but ultimately, we are never going to change our bodies. All we can change is our character, which includes our attitude. And to truly be a student, we should be striving to be better every minute of every day.
Step Four
Be humble. Don’t say you are humble, show people you are humble. We can’t all be the star of the moment. Our moment will come, allow others to have their moment. I have found over the years, that when I step back and watch others live in the moment, to be the star, I learn more and feel more satisfied. An immature, insecure person strives to be the center of attention, a secure person has no need for that.
Step Five
Laugh every day. Be goofy. Try new things. Play. I love to stop my work day and wrestle with my dogs, or try to learn the newest dance craze on Tik Tok with my daughter. Let me tell you, I cannot dance, but the movement, the moment, and the laugher make it all worth it. No matter who you are, you are never too old, too prestigious, or too important to cut loose.
Step Six
Surround yourself with people who inspire you, who embrace their true self, and see you for what you can be, not what they want you to be. If you ever start to feel overly confident, or like you have it all figured out, spend time with a four year old, they will quickly remedy that. Your friends should lift you up, inspire you, help you to be the best, authentic version of yourself.
Embracing your true self, working to be a better version of you, and not worrying about your image will result in peace, confidence, and growth. And when all else fails, play your favorite songs from high school and dance the worries away.
Sincerely,
Sara O
