Spending Time with Those We Love
Recently, I had the opportunity to spend the day with my child. We decided to explore some botanical gardens, and just enjoy the beauty of being outside. We chose to only use our phones for pictures and to find a place to eat. Otherwise, we were engrossed with the beauty of the gardens, the animals sharing our space, and looking for rocks to collect. I must say, it was by far, one of the absolute best days with my child, and one that I will treasure when they leave for college.
As often as I acknowledge how quickly time passes, the inability to get moments back, the lost words and emotions, I still find myself struggling to give these moments the full value they deserve. I seem to focus more on what I need to do next, what is due tomorrow, than what is right in front of me. Adopting our newest puppy, Selina, made me realize the value of living in the moment.
Raffy, my special needs lab, has been my constant companion for almost 8 years. In those years, he has helped me through life changes, nursed a broken heart, helped me heal after the loss of a dear friend, and shown me the value of a good nap. Raffy is the first person I turn to with my emotions, challenges, and problems. When I am lonely, he is right there, when I am sad, he cries with me, and when something great happens, Raffy is the first to join in the celebration. As much as I appreciate and love Raffy, I haven’t stopped to really look at him. I missed the slow spread of gray, the stiffness in his joints, his longing to stay in a warm bed a minute longer. Gone is his youthful exuberance, replaced by the ravages of time, the scars of a life well-lived. Seeing him next to Selina, shocked me. Where had my baby boy gone? Who was this old man?
More often than not we allow the tugs and pulls of life to be more important than time with our loved ones. We think they will always be there, waiting for us, but the truth is, they won’t. As important as a 5 pm deadline is, the art project my child made is far more important. Learning to live in the moment, to focus on the people in my life has been a challenge, but one worth learning. Taking a moment to scratch Raffy’s head, to talk to him when he comes to check on me, are precious moments I will treasure when he’s gone. Remembering Selina’s sweet, sleepy face helps me get through the moments of groans and bites her teenage years have brought.
Sadly, I waited until my child’s senior year of high school to truly value our time together. Choosing to spend more time with them, I have ended my workdays earlier, started work before the sun rose, and taken days off. Somehow, the work still gets done, the house is still somewhat clean, and there is always food in the fridge. But these moments have created laughter, joy, and memories to get me through the long days of adjusting to them moving out. I am learning that everything always gets done when it’s supposed to get done when we just learn to let go, live, and enjoy the moments.
Using better time management, truly hunkering down, and focusing on work during the workday has helped. Limiting meetings, canceling lunch dates with acquaintances, and understanding where I spend my time is an investment has helped me be more accountable to those I love. Taking breaks to play, listen to how a day went, or just be present gives me more than I think the other person gets.
Family can annoy us, be overbearing, and think they have the right to have an opinion about our lives. They can make terrible food we have to eat, buy the worst presents, hurt us like no one else, but at the end of the day, family is all we have. As my mom always points out, family is not the family we are born into, family is the people we find along the journey of life. The people who I call family, the friends, and people who chose to walk next to me, are the people I need in my life. Time with them is time well spent.
Sincerely,
Sara O
