The power of believing in yourself

Have you ever heard a successful person or athlete tell you they envisioned their success to the point they knew what every part of the success felt like? This vision, the time spent feeling the success, motivated them through training and setbacks, kept them focused, and gave them the inner strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I have always wondered about this, about the people who say, “create a vision, believe in it, and watch it manifest”. I have never quite believed them, never understood the ability to use your mind to make something happen.

I am a dreamer. I love nothing more than long, lazy afternoons dreaming of what could be, of what I want to do, of what my life could become. Yet, I have never taken these dreams past this point. The hard work, the setbacks, the perceived failures, none of that upsets me, none of that terrifies me, yet I have never believed in a dream to the point that I knew I would achieve it. Rather, I have believed in my nature, my love of hard work, my dogged determination. I think you can say I live more in the moment than in the future. I understand my hard work today will pay off tomorrow. But I have to wonder if my lack of faith in myself to achieve my dreams has held me back.

While I do dream wild, huge dreams, I never put anything into place to make these dreams come true. I am not sure why, maybe somehow I know these aren’t the dreams for me, or maybe I am scared of achieving them. I honestly could not tell you. I can say I am not a Debbie Downer or Negative Nelly, I do not wait for something negative to happen, or purposely bring down a mood. I will say I am a Reality Rita and will list the potential obstacles and setbacks with the intent of overcoming them because they will not surprise me. Some have mistaken this trait as being a Negative Nelly, I say it is one of my superpowers, understanding the need to have Plan A-Z and still be able to fly by the seat of my pants, making it up as I go along. Having the ability to think on the fly, see obstacles coming, is part of leading a team, an organization. And this skill often requires a healthy dose of reality, what-ifs, and planning.

Recently, I shared a dream with a friend. This person is not what I would say is a close friend, not someone I speak to regularly. They are a friend who I can share deep thoughts with, who I can discuss philosophy with, and know that they will always give me quality feedback. As I shared my dream, I was nervous, scared. For the first time in my life, at 41 years old, I know what I want to be, the career I want. Yet I am embarrassed because I feel like these are things I should have known 20 years ago, I am late to the game.

Waiting for the reply, I was a bit shocked when I read the words, build a dream board, create your vision, and watch it manifest. How could creating a vision make something become a reality? Maybe I lack faith, maybe this is a lesson I need to learn. I always thought my faith was deep, that I understood the force of nature, that we are not alone, that there is a single guiding force who wants the best for us. But I don’t have faith in myself. I believe in the power of hard work, of perseverance, of sacrifice. I believe in the skills I can see, the results I can glean daily. I don’t have the faith to believe in my dreams.

I had to think about this for a few days, and to be fair, I don’t think I have made any progress. I know I have taken the steps I need to take, I have dared to make my dream a reality, but the end outcome I want, I am terrified to envision. Seeing myself living the ideal life I want, with a career I have worked hard for, a good base with my family, and a million rescue dogs is not something I allow myself to see. Dreaming of being financially stable, of being able to give my family everything they want and need seems like the whisper of a midnight moment, not something to manifest.

I know that in order to achieve what I want, I must take a leap of faith, and the faith needs to be in more than the skills I can see. Perhaps, the disconnect lies in the belief that I don’t deserve to have the dreams, maybe the pain and hurt I have experienced have made me believe I can’t achieve my dreams. I don’t know. What I do know is that I am scrappy, a fighter, with unlimited dogged determination, tenacity, and an unhealthy amount of grit. I know what I set my mind to I will achieve. So why not set my mind on my vision? Why not believe in the little details, why not imagine what the success would feel like, why not chase this vision with the wild abandonment of youth? I think I will. No, I know I will. I will chase my dreams and this time, I will dare to dream big.

Sincerely,

Sara