Trust

Trust is the hardest thing to build and the easiest thing to destroy. We spend years working to earn the trust of someone, only to lose it with a bad decision, or a spicy comment. Yet, I have to ask, why do we spend so much time and energy trying to earn the respect of someone who doesn’t want to trust us? Why do we focus so much on how others feel and think of us?

I have spent a lot of time thinking about trust lately. I give trust and give trust, and yet with some people it seems like I will never earn their trust, or worse the thread of trust is so thin, it threatens to break at any moment. Or worse, you understand the boundaries of a relationship differently than the other person. I cannot tell you how often I have sat, frustrated, confused, and unsure of what I did to cause the breach of trust.

The stress of the constant confusion, the wonder, and unheard rules running my life are more than I can handle. I can no longer worry that a simple misunderstanding will end a relationship, that not knowing the rules could cause me to make a fatal mistake. I am choosing to take trust head on and define what it means for me.

This past year has been filled with change, stress, loss, and pain. Somewhere in the murk of emotions, I decided to stop the unhealthy relationships, to define who will be in my life, who I will choose to trust. The people in my circle, those I reach out to regularly, are the people who bring me joy, make me laugh, hold me accountable, and say difficult things. The people who care enough to call me out, to push me to make a decision, to live a healthy life. The people who confuse me, who continually change the rules, are petty, jealous, and angry are still my friends, but not in my circle. If people truly want to have a relationship with someone, the idea of talking about the rules, working with you to ensure healthy boundaries are enforced on all sides.

How do we have difficult conversations? How do we choose to trust first? Simple, we choose to see the best in people, to believe there are always silver linings, and things happen for the right reasons. We believe that by trusting someone first, we will see the best in them and have the opportunity to develop meaningful relationships. We dare to believe in the best of humankind, to want more, to choose to invest in others for no reason than to see them succeed.

People who threaten relationships with a loss of trust, who feel the need to hold it over your head are not people you need in your life. Yes, there are definitely reasons, valid reasons, why trust could and should be broken, unless the reason is specifically on your list of things that will break your trust, stop allowing others to control you. Trust is a two-way street. Give trust first and if it is not returned, accept the lessons, and move on.

Sincerely,

Sara O