What Others See in Us

Looking at other people, it is easy to assume they have it all together and their confidence levels are through the roof, especially when we are struggling. Days, weeks, months, can prove to be more than a challenge, can make us want to hide, doubt ourselves, question what we believe. In these moments, looking at others and judging them, their confidence levels, assuming their grass is greener and easier to maintain is easy, but ultimately not fair to us or them.

Seeing a person stand tall, thoughtfully answering questions, and walking with a purpose paint a picture of confidence. What we don’t see are the copious amounts of dry shampoo holding their hair in place, their worry that the spill on their shirt will be noticed, or the fear that it will be discovered they are not prepared for the presentation. We assume so much just by a quick glance at a cover.

Confidence, the way people present themselves is affected by so many factors. Lack of sleep, stress, unmet needs, hunger can all greatly affect the level of confidence we feel. And on days where we feel on top of the world, one wrong step, a miscalculation, a dirty look from someone can send us crashing to the ground.

What we miss, what we are not seeing is that everyone has on moments, and off moments. Everyone has moments where they struggle, have regrets, losses, bad decisions, and worries. Each of us struggles daily, we all just cope differently.

What to remember

When you are feeling a lack of confidence and see someone who you assume has it all together, stop and remember, we all have bad/off days. No one has it all together, and if they do, it will only last for 5-minutes.

Each of us carries baggage and scars. We have all suffered from broken hearts, lost those we love, and carry the scars of life. We can either choose to heal and allow the light of our hearts to shine through, or we can allow the wound to fester and slowly kill our light. How we choose to deal with our scars can affect our confidence.

Never judge a person by what you see. We don’t know the person’s story, what they have been through, or the struggles they have overcome. We may think we know, but we can’t know. No matter how much someone shares with us, how much we know about another person, we don’t know their story. We can never fully understand what others have been through because we were not in their shoes, in that moment, experiencing their life.

Stop thinking the grass is greener on the other side. It’s not. Yes some may have greener grass, but they may have used fertilizer, spray painted it green or installed AstroTurf. There are two categories of people, those who focus on their outward appearance, and those who focus on their inward appearance. Work on yourself. Make changes grow. Stop wishing your grass was different. Focusing on your inward self is so much more important than your outward appearance.

Ways to increase your confidence

Thank your body

Remember all the things you are capable of doing. It is so easy to compare our bodies and the way we look to photoshopped photos. The next time you think you are too fat, not strong enough, or have too much gray hair, think of all the things your body can do. You can get up every day, work, care for your family, help others, and on and on. If our bodies weren’t perfect for us, we would not be able to do all of these things.

Workout

There is absolutely no way you can finish a great workout and not feel amazing. Go to the gym, do a workout on YouTube, go for a walk. Runner’s high is a real thing, and it is something we can all achieve regularly.

Volunteer

Volunteering enables you to help others, learn new skills, meet new people, improve your community and invest in yourself. Volunteering isn’t all about helping others, it’s about helping ourselves too.

Take care of yourself

Get enough sleep, drink enough water, eat good food. Life is hard enough without complicating it by not taking care of yourself. Set aside 30-minutes to an hour daily just for you. It can be a challenge at first, but it is something that is well worth it. Running short on time? Do a facial while answering emails, go outside for meetings, walk during a call.

Spend time helping someone who cannot pay you back

Doing random acts of kindness is one of the best ways to improve your mood and confidence. Play ding-dong-door-dash with an elderly neighbor. Leave groceries or a small treat on their porch, ring the doorbell and run. Watch their happiness when they find the treat you left. Cut the grass for your neighbor while they are at work. Pay for the person’s order behind you. These activities will boost your confidence because they will show you what an amazing person you are. The key to this activity is not to tell anyone what you are doing.

Unplug and go outside

Did you know people are meant to be outside, to work hard, and enjoy nature? Turn off your cell phone, stop posting every moment on social media, and look around you. Nature is presenting her finest self to you. Go for a walk and look for flowers, feed the birds, or just sit in your yard and be grateful.

Be grateful

We are more confident when we are grateful with what we have. Be content with what you have and where you are while you work to improve yourself.

No matter what you do, do things that make you feel more confident. If your confidence is boosted when you do your hair, do your hair. Wear what makes you feel confident. Be with those who make you feel confident. No matter what you do, how you practice confidence, the confidence muscle will grow, and before you know it, you will be confident more than you aren’t.

Sincerely,

Sara O