When life feels like a jail

No matter how great our lives are, they can sometimes feel like a jail. Our successes, wants, and desires can trap us in a cage faster than you can blink. Always striving to have more, to not be content with what you have, can create a prison cell. Living with a negative person, someone who continually puts you down blames you for their failures, or is more worried about their needs and wants can create a prison cell that feels impenetrable. A loss, failure, setback, or even a failed dream can all create jail cells. No matter what we have experienced, where we are in life, or the strength we have, life can wear us down and slowly become a jail cell.

I know I have found myself there on more than one occasion. It happens to each of us, and if we are not careful, can happen over and over again. The list of what can contribute to us feeling like we live in a cell is endless and different for each of us. What is on the list does not matter as much as how we handle the situation.

Once we realize we are trapped our first instinct is to either fight or give up. Both of these reactions are understandable and based on our intrinsic reactions and desire to survive. We survive by fighting or we survive through complacency. The question becomes what kind of life do you want?

Defining our life

When we find ourselves in these situations, we must first ask ourselves what kind of life we want. Do we want to give up and just allow life to pass us by, or do we want to create the life we want? Creating the life we want can be daunting, but I promise you, it is well worth the work. In these moments, when we are starting on the journey, when we are choosing to reclaim our life, we need to set definite goals. We must ask ourselves what we want, what do we value most, what are we willing to compromise on? We need to create definite lists with goals, answer these questions honestly, and truly outline the ideal life. Once these plans are complete, we must entrust them to a trusted peer or mentor. Someone who will hold us accountable, and help us achieve our goals. Once the plan is in place, our instinct to fight can be used to ensure we do not allow anything to get in our way.

Stop allowing others to influence your mood

Haters are goin’ hate. There is no better phrase than this to describe the reactions of others to our successes and dreams. People are going to lash out, say hurtful things, and purposely do things to sabotage you. Sometimes these people are the ones closest to you. Work on setting boundaries. Understand, you never need to tell someone what you are working on, what you have achieved if all they are going to do is use this to hurt you.

I always tell people, life is like a poker game, hold your hand close, and only reveal what you have to. Protecting your dreams and goals from haters is not being duplicitous, it is setting a clear boundary that you will only allow those who are positive and will help you to know your dreams. Sometimes, you don’t even need to let these people know everything. Protect your dreams fiercely because others will try to stop you.

When someone uses words to try and stop your growth, first and foremost recognize it is their inability to achieve their dreams, their fears, and shortcomings that are driving the tongue lashing. This does not make their actions acceptable, but it is easier to heal and let go when we understand why people act the way they do. If you can, limit your contact with this person, or stop seeing them all together. Understand there is no value to what they are saying, and the simple fact that they are lashing out is an indicator that you are on the right path.

Take calm breaths, don’t add fuel to the fire. Saying anything, defending yourself, or calling their bluff will only add fuel to the fire. If you can, leave and getaway. If you can’t, let them say their piece and leave as soon as you can. Take the time needed to put yourself back together. Love yourself and know that what they said was wrong. Find forgiveness, not for them, but for you. You cannot afford to carry one bit of their anger with you. To the best of your ability, shake it off, and speak to a trusted peer, someone who will help you put yourself back together.

Find the joy in moments

No matter how bleak the days look, or your situation is, find joy in the moments. Take the time to enjoy a beautiful sunset, go for a walk, or just enjoy a moment of peace. Enjoying these moments will give you fuel to keep moving forward.

Keep a Journal

In these dark places, it is easy to forget how far we have come, what we accomplished, and what we have overcome. Keep a journal where you write all of it down. This journal will be the inspiration you need when it feels like the world is against you. Remind yourself of all the great things you have done and what you are capable of. In no time at all, you will be on top of the world.

Take care of you

When you feel close to breaking, ask yourself what you need. Sometimes when we are in a battle, we forget to eat right, drink enough water, rest, or we don’t acknowledge our feelings. Taking inventory of what we need, where we are, and how we are feeling will help us maintain the strength needed to keep moving forward. It will also keep us from lashing out, reacting, or doing something stupid.

Know that this is a Season

Life comes in seasons, and not every season is a happy one. Yet we can learn and grow from every season. Sometimes the best growth we can accomplish is in the hardest seasons. The moments we learn the most about ourselves are in the seasons we are the loneliest. The saddest seasons will teach us the most about what we want in life. Recognizing that every season has a beginning and an end will give you the stamina to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Feeling as though life has become a prison is a real feeling, and each of us experiences more than once in our lives. The key to these moments is learning how to manage them in a positive way, a way that allows us to grow and become the people we are meant to be. Find a support system, define the life you want, and know that if all you did was breathe one day, you are a success.

Sincerely,

Sara O