Why do we spend so much time thinking about ourselves?
Have you ever stopped and thought about how much time you spend thinking about yourself? As humans, we can spend hours thinking about ourselves. Our minds will twist and turn until every thought is about ourselves. We even think that others spend time thinking about us, pulling apart things we said, did, or wore.
Honestly, I was there too. I used to spend hours worrying about what others thought, wondering how I would ever come back from the embarrassing thing I said or did. It was agonizing. And a complete waste of time. One day, as I told a professional coach how worried I was about what people thought of me, he told me a statement that has stuck with me to this day: “people are so busy thinking about themselves, their needs, wants, and selves, they don’t have the time to think about others.” The way he said this, the finality to his tone, and the sincerity in his words, I knew it was true, and my own actions proved it.
In that moment I started to feel such a freedom, a complete escape from the weight of my thoughts. I vowed to not go back there, to never again waste time worrying about the thoughts of others and to spend less time thinking about myself. I wanted to, craved to spend time thinking about things that mattered, contemplating creative thoughts, working out solutions to problems, and helping others.
Letting Go
The first step to freeing your mind, to create space to think about the things that matter most, is to ask yourself what you want. Until you know what you want, have a clear image of the journey you would like to embark on, your thoughts will continuously return to you. Spending time thinking about what you want is not the same as spending time thinking about yourself. Creating goals, working towards an accomplishment, planning for the future, is not the same as losing hours to thoughts of yourself, what to wear, or worrying about what others think.
What you want
Ask yourself what your 100-year-old self on your last day alive would say to you now. What regrets would you have? What opportunities did you pass up? At the current moment, what goals do you have? What do you dream about? If you could throw caution to the wind, and wildly pursue your passions, what would you be doing now?
Try new things, explore new areas, change up your routine. Look at your life, review your accomplishments, the opportunities you pursued, and the ones you passed up. What regrets do you have? What would you do differently? Change about yourself? Or how you react? What areas would you like to grow in?
Using this information create a plan with goals. Push yourself to work towards your goals daily. Give up something, trade time you would spend watching television to learn a new skill, or take a class. Dare yourself to expand your horizons, to push yourself as far as you can go.
What you would like to change
Look around. What upsets you? I don’t mean about your life, I mean about the community. What injustices would you change? What systems do you feel are broken? If you could help your neighbor or the homeless person you pass daily, what would you do? Explore your community. Learn about the challenges others face daily. Compare these challenges to what matters most to you. When you are passionate about something, you are motivated to make a difference.
Start volunteering. No matter what you can do, no matter the amount of time you have to give away, you can make a difference. Maybe you are a working parent with small children, the thought of trying to find a way to volunteer makes you cringe, you absolutely do not have the time or energy to give away outside of your home. I’ve been there. We have to remember that life happens in seasons, and some seasons require us to spend more time at home, caring for others. Yet, I would wager you could take a few minutes from your television time to fold brochures, stuff envelopes, or cut things out. You may not think that things like this would matter, or make a difference, but let me tell you, they do. Every day teachers, nonprofits, and professionals spend hours doing tasks that are vital to their work and organizations, yet time-consuming, that someone else could do. Ask around, the perfect volunteering opportunity is out there. You just need to look for it.
Growing
When was the last time you read a book? Or listened to a podcast that was educational? Think of areas in your life where you would like to grow and change. Make a reading list, a podcast list, and a YouTube list. Challenge yourself to spend 15 minutes a day reading or listening. I like to start my day off with positivity and accomplishments. While I get ready I watch something educational on YouTube. On the mornings I go for walks I listen to podcasts. Sometimes, I even watch educational videos while I work or cook. Each time I feel the urge to scroll through social media I read a few pages in my book.
The secret to learning something new is not to spend hours and hours reading and listening, but rather to spend 10 to 15 minutes a few times throughout the day reading and listening. I am not a fan of multitasking, I find that I get overwhelmed, frustrated, and accomplish less. Instead, I think about how I can use my time best, what activities could I do simultaneously? For example, I try to do laundry on days I write. Once the laundry is sorted and in the washer, I don’t need to think about it, I can focus on writing. Yet, if I spend a day writing, I tend to sit for three to four hours straight, which is terrible for my health. If I do laundry while I write, I get up and move every 50 minutes. My breaks serve a purpose, and I enjoy breaking the time up. Look for tasks that are complementary, pairing them together will help you get more done, and stay focused.
Thinking Real Thoughts
There is a time and place when thinking about yourself is both necessary and good. After a loss, monumental moment, or even a win, take the time to think about what lead you to make the decisions you made, how you felt during the event, and now ask what you could have done differently. Learning about yourself, and making a plan for growth is time well spent. In these moments, we are openly admitting to ourselves that we are far from perfect and want to be better. We learn what our triggers are, and how to avoid them. We notice patterns, habits that help us be better, and others that cause us to make bad decisions. We can challenge ourselves to do better, and come up with plans and tricks to help us overcome challenges and temptations.
I love these moments, the moments where I can freely dig into myself, pour through my thoughts and feelings, ask myself why I did what I did, and how I can be better. These are the moments that make me grow, that challenge me to be better, or show me how I can continue being better.
Putting it all together
When we learn to step out of our comfort zone, when we stop focusing on ourselves, we have the opportunity to become something better. Spending the time to learn, grow, and create habits that will push us farther, and help us reach our goals, is time well spent. Rather than losing yourself to a pool of negative thoughts, or worse, thinking negative thoughts about others, challenge yourself to grow.
Sincerely,
Sara O
