Why do we work out?
A few weeks ago, as I struggled through a particularly challenging workout, I joked to my trainer that I only work out to eat. As I struggled through the last few reps, I wondered why I workout, why I spend multiple days at the gym, huffing through workouts, counting calories. What was driving me to keep going, to push myself?
Reflecting on this as I left the gym, several thoughts came to mind. I am not striving to be the next J Lo, I don’t want to be a size zero, and while I am very competitive, getting the perfect bikini body first is not my priority. On my journey to love myself, to learn to accept my body as it is, I discovered my love of working out. Becoming stronger, knowing I can do more, age well, and feel better have become my passion. Knowing I can outwork people half my age, that I can keep up with my workout team, motivates me to keep going, to move forward.
Food is my passion, cursed with food allergies, I am greatly limited to what I can eat. The limited list can create a lot of boredom with eating. Longing for a greasy cheeseburger and french fries, a gluten-free, lean burger with frozen fries is nowhere as appealing as my craving. Living with unmet cravings is a curse, as cruel as the curse placed on Medusa. Rather than moving on, I cheated, made myself sick, or learned to cook it for myself. Once I found these creative options, I started to eat, and then I ate some more until 50 pounds suddenly appeared on my body.
Struggling through the pain of old injuries straining under the extra weight, I lost my sparkle, myself. I became content to sit and watch the world go by. I became passive, a watcher, an unhappy person, someone who allowed the opinions of others to influence me, reacting to nastiness and gossip. The unbalance I created within myself was toxic and almost took me over.
As I listlessly watched my passion begin to evaporate, reality set in. I realized how unhappy I was, how unhealthy. My drive to be me, to live my life, my way, on my terms overpowered the toxins within. Changing how I ate, starting to move more, slowly increasing my self-confidence, my self-esteem, I rediscovered myself. Graduating from physical therapy I was reminded that I could be strong, that being lean, fit, and healthy was not out of range for me. I could achieve what I wanted.
Slowly, as I got stronger, as I learned how to say no to a bad food choice, stretched my physical limits, I learned to be a better leader. Setting boundaries within my eating habits allowed me to create boundaries in my professional world, my career. The harder I train, the better I focus at work, the calmer I stay in negotiations, the clearer my perspective is, and the easier I can see the holes in someone. Taking care of myself is not a privilege, it is a must, placing ourselves first, setting clear boundaries, and making our dreams a priority is the only way to live.
Sincerely,
Sara
