Will my silence make me proud?
Earlier this week I stumbled upon a Ted Talk featuring author Luvvie Ajayi Jones. Ms. Jones is described as a writer, speaker, truth-teller, and professional troublemaker. Her self-proclaimed title of professional troublemaker drew me to the interview, I was intrigued by someone who would positively and proudly declare themselves to be a troublemaker.
Her interview was worth the time, I was in awe of her thought process, her ability to articulate what she saw, felt, and heard into beautiful sentences crafted to draw you into her argument. In a world where we say we value different, but in truth seek conformity, she is a daring adventurer blazing a much-needed trail. Unafraid to approach difficult topics, not afraid of the fallout, she says what needs to be said, but more importantly what needs to be heard.
As I mulled over the interview, one line continued to run through my head. Ms. Jones said when she is in meetings or groups, and feels compelled to say something but is unsure of placing herself out there, she asks, “Will my silence make me proud?” This line has stuck with me for days. As I have rolled the question around my head, I have felt anger, shame, and boldness.
I asked myself, how many times did I remain silent because I wanted to be accepted because I wanted to be liked? How many times have I looked the other way because I simply did not want to say something or get involved? How many times have I remained quiet because that is what society deemed as appropriate? How many times did I remain silent because I am a woman and more often than not, not welcome in the room where it happens? Or because I didn’t want to draw notice to my differences, my heritage, or social status? The list is miles long. Yet at the end of the list, a deep need, a longing to change and no longer remain silent.
As the mother of a daughter, I knew I did not want to raise a nice girl. I know what you are thinking, you think I encouraged bullying and mean girl behavior, I most certainly did not, and at the slightest hint of such behavior got my chancla out. No, I wanted to raise a girl who had a voice, who knew herself, who did not need anyone’s permission to say no. Women can be polite and respectful while saying no, sharing their thoughts, and not being intimidated. I wanted a powerful daughter with a kind heart filled with empathy. I raised a daughter who does not remain silent, no matter the cost, and I could not be prouder.
Ms. Jones question highlights a trend we women are striving to overcome. We were raised to be quiet, to not rock the boat, to be agreeable. I ask, what has that gotten us? Pushed out of boardrooms, paid less for our efforts, and comments like “you should have been a man” thrown at us. As a gender, we can no longer afford to remain silent. In our movement to find our voices, we must also support minorities, LGBTQ+ populations, and anyone else who has been taught to be quiet, to find their voices. To ask themselves every minute of every day, Will I be proud of my silence? We no longer can afford to ask “Can I live with the consequences of speaking out?” We must join together, and loudly, boldly ask the questions which need to be asked.
If something does not feel right if a decision is being made which will demean or hurt a population, speak out. Be proud of who you are, and share your opinions. Our silence will do more than cause us to feel shame, it will continue to divide the country, the world.
Sincerely,
Sara
